A good compromise

So now the dust is settling, wounds are starting to heal and my finances are on par with Spanish Government. The final dispute hearing happend just under two weeks ago. It happened as I expected it to. Angry, relieved, frustrated, annoyed, pleased were some of the emotions I went through in two minutes. So what happened?

In the UK, family law is frankly a mess. The government doesn’t want middle-class families using the court system to resolve disputes. Mere mortals are suppose to resolve the issues amongst ourselves and carry on. If you have a spare £200-400k, you can use the best solicitors and barristers and get the legal system to resolve for you. The rest of us, it’s not so easy. The UK Ministry of Justice have cut back in the family law area. So now you have less district judges doing the circuits. The solicitors and barristers get to know each judge and their like, dislikes, attitudes and how they will interpret the case, so thus, can advise clients if they are likely to ‘win’ their case. This has led to too many cases for the district judges to sit on. To help keep the system going, in family law cases, magistrats are now used. Anyone of good character over 18 can be a magistrate. They do have to be an experienced magistrate and have special training for Family Law. In most family law cases, you only find who the magistrates are on the day. In the Family Law disputes, the case will wither be heard by a district judge or three magistrates, know as a bench. It is a complete lottery on who will be on the bench that day. So you have no idea on what their outlook is, their opinions or how they will view the case.

On the day, I arrive at court at 9am. The hearing is scheduled for 10am. I go to the correct level, there are 8 levels in the building each dealing with different sections of law, so there is an ‘interesting’ selection of society there. I go and see the court usher to inform them I am here. Thankfully my barrister has already arrive and got a private room and a section of coffee. We go through the case, discussing how I could be cross examined and how the opposition barrister (that’s the TEWTB, The Ex-Wife To Be) will attempt discredit our case. My barrister has prepared a three page note for the bench. In the lead up to the final hearing, both parties have to write a statement on out positions with supporting arguments. I paid for my solicitor to write this and then reviewed with my barrister about 5 weeks before the hearing. The supporting note basically my barrister reviewing the opposition statement and pulling it apart. I was very impressed with mine and asked for the oppositions. This is where things start to get interesting.

‘There isn’t one’ my barrister said. ‘He couldn’t write one because the statement was not good enough and the oppositions case is too weak’. Wow. ‘The opposition barrister has said to her; your case is too weak, the statement is not good enough and I highly recommend you negotiate out of court. Your ex-husband has one of the toughest cross-examiners in the circuit and she will eat you alive’. Hell fire, things are looking up.

Both barristers work for the same chambers and know each other well. My barrister in legal ratings has been described as ‘formidable’. Thankfully, we hit off well and after the conference got to know me and my mindset. The opposition barrister has been described as thorough, with good attention to detail.

So the barrister asked me to open the negotiations as the opposition are only offering what they have stated. ‘Which is ridiculous’ according to the barrister. Since the split, I’ve argued to TEWTB that the Boy should spend equal time with each of us. Her view is that the Boy should only have one home and not keep tooing and frooing. We have already agreed the Boy should spend alternate weekend with each of us, so we are now trying to get the working week resolved. So to open, I suggest the Boy is with is Mum every Monday and Tuesday, every Wednesday and Thursday with me, followed by the alternate weekends. So the barrister goes to the oppositions room.

When the barrister returned she had some interesting news. TEWTB’s Dad is there. I was a litte surprised that he was there. He absolutely dislikes conflict, but he’s a really down to earth guy and I hope he will be the voice of reason. To my barrister’s surprise, I comment is that him being there might be helpful to us. There was a knock at the door, the oppositions barrister, so mine goes out to get the update. My solicitor isn’t there as there is no benefit of him being there and I’d be charged £260 per hour for him to drink tea at my expense. TEWTB does have her solicitor there though.

My barrister comes back in, the offer has been rejected and the opposition has not proposed any news proposal. Frustrating. I ask my barrister to ask the opposition to make a proposal as I am not going to agree their original proposal. I’d rather take a chance and let the magistrates decide. She goes off to inform them. The court usher knocks on the door and asks the barrister to go into court and inform the bench of where we are. As previously stated, the bench prefer for parents to come to an agreement rather then them decide. Both barristers ask for an interim adjournment. The bench agrees and asks for regular updates on the negotiations. The chair of the bench does make a comment to the opposition barrister; ‘I do hope your client is negotiating as it is apparent they have not previously’. Interesting comments my barrister. The barrister says the bench are ‘robust’ and is apparent they have been recently on the Family Law training. There are a mature bench, probably in the 55-70 age range. I’ve never seen any of them before.

The opposition barrister knocks, so off pops mine. The barrister comes back in. TEWTB has made a new offer. I can have the Boy every Wednesday. Super, smashing, great. For someone who has argued about the Boy having ‘stability’ that’s a pretty poor proposal. Every other week, the Boy would be at mine, then hers, then back at mine for the weekend. Rejected for those reasons. My barrister and I as discussing proposals. My barrister says is a sign TEWTB is starting to cave in. Let’s keep the negotiations going. I’ll inform the opposition that is being rejected for those reasons, which are perfectly valid.

I start looking at the extra day. I start scribbling different ideas down. Utilising this extra day, I move it from the Wednesday to the Thursday when I have the Boy for the weekend. He’ll get 4 days with me in a block. In the week where I don’t have the boy at the weekend, I keep the Wednesday and Thursday nights with me. My barrister comes back in and we discuss the new proposal. ‘It’s great. It’s not your ideal, but should we go into court I can argue that all the way through, you’ve been the one willing to negotiate, coming up with the proposals, I think it is a good compromise’.

It’s now approaching 10.40am and I say to my barrister, if the opposition does not agree to this proposal, I want the bench to decide. Just as I say that, the court usher knocks as the bench want an update. Armed with this latest information, my barrister goes in. The barrister informs the bench that the negotiations are ongoing, however, there is little in compromise from the opposition. My client has offered a final proposal and that if the opposition doesn’t not agree by 11am, that he wishes the bench to decide. This apparently caught the opposition barrister wrong footed. The chair of the bench agrees and says that two is enough time and that if not agreement is reached by 11am, then both parties shall come into court and proceedings will start. The barristers chat on the way out. TEWTB’s Dad is telling her that she needs to start negotiating and if you are put under cross examination you won’t cope.

My barrister starts preparing the court order, the view is that TEWTB will cave in and agree. I’m feeling the same. I’m not getting exactly what I was after, but it’s close enough. Over 14 nights’ the Boy will be with me for 6 night instead of the 7 I wanted and the 4 I had. My gut feeling is that this proposal is right. Two minutes before 11am there is a knock, it’s the opposition barrister. Off goes mine. The barrister comes back in, sits down and looks at me right in the eyes. ‘She’s capitulated and has agreed to everything, including the Boy spending alternate Christmas’s, brilliant work, thanks for your thinking and flexibility. I’ll get the order drafted and we’ll going into court and get the bench to sign it off’. It’s over.

The emotions of anger, relieve, frustration, annoyance flashed through me, followed by that feeling of knowing that all the heartache, distress and frustration was over. Of what I proposed 95% was agreed. The 5%? Not having the Boy for every Wednesday. I realise I have a monster of a head ache and hope I have some pills in the car.

We go into court and sit in front of the bench. The chair is a polite gentleman who thanks us for coming to agreement outside of court. The bench appreciates how difficult is can be to reach agreement and commends us for doing so. The bench fully support the proposal and will turn it into a court order for immediate effect. The chair also says that there will need to be continual communication between us. Interestingly, he says this whilst looking at TEWTB. All done and dusted, we go back into the room to finalise the paperwork.

My barrister say that TEWTB’s Dad told her to agree to the proposal as it is fair and there is a significant risk that if you going into court you will loose the Boy for longer. This was then when we decided to agree to the proposal. The barrister also shared with me that her Dad has been paying for her legal costs and couldn’t understand why we hadn’t come to an agreement. He read the note from my barrister and said many times ‘I didn’t know that’. The opposition barristers impression was that TEWTB had kept much information from her parents and that her Dad was not impressed with her or her solicitor. He said to her, there is much to discuss when we get home. My barrister saw them leave the room and said it was like a naughty schoolgirl leaving the headmasters office with her Father. TEWTB just walked out with her head down and said nothing.

Walking back to the car, it felt like a huge weight was off my shoulders. I didn’t feel like celebrating as this isn’t something to be won. We were talking about where a little boy should spend his time. The Boy has done brilliantly is dealing with the changes over the last 8 months. This agreement will mean he will spend quality time with each parent.

When I got to the car, I spent two minutes sat in silence and relaxed. The proposal was right and the fight had been worth it. Just the divorce and financial settlement to go. This should be easier. We will see.

I didn’t have any head ache pills in the car. Bugger.

Tune of the day: Odyssey – Inside Out (Original 12” Version)

P.