Three months off

It’s been just over three months since my last blog post. I found writing a blog a way to clear my head, think things through and take a step or two back to see what is going on in my life. 2016 has been treating me well so far! Given all the changes, turmoil and whole life change on late 2014 and early 2015, I’ve been due some quite time!

So, what’s been going on? Nothing major so far!! The boy is doing great. He’s settled into the routine and really enjoys time with us. He keeps complaining that wants to spend more time with me, after Easter and four whole days, there was no mention of wanting to stay! He’s currently being toilet trained. Given how strong willed, yet absent-minded he is, we are having the occasional accident. He just gets so into what’s he’s doing, he forgets he needs the toilet! He’ll get there!

TEWTB finally got the marital home valued. She got three local estate agents to value and went with an average of all three. It was within the valuation I expected. Now it’s on to the financial settlement. My solicitor wants to get the first offer in. We had a chat about a month ago and agreed that if she refuses the offer or makes a counter offer that is completely unjust, we will issue court proceedings and let a judge decide. As unpleasant and nasty as this sounds, reviewing the case there has been no effort or consolidator implications made. It’s been very hostile from the start. I had a long chat with a friend who’s a barrister and asked him for his opinion on the situation. Even though he’s not within the family law arena, in his professional view, a competent barrister will be able to paint me as a picture of fairness and that TEWTB solicitors are unnecessary aggressive. Given the financial offer will using the equity to pay off a joint loan then any remaining split 50/50, then the barrister when they cross-examine TEWTB, will ask her to explain herself. If the past couple of letter’s from her solicitor, at the end they have asked that they want to settle this quickly as possible. This is a new development. Throughout this, I’ve been tapping up people for information and seeing what I can find out. A rumour that came through was TEWTB family have spoken to a third party solicitors for advice. The advice given was to settle out of court, quickly and fairly as possible. Firstly, house prices are increasing at a good rate so I’ll get more cash. Secondly, my solicitors have completely outplayed her’s and if the case goes to court, it will be very unpleasant for TEWTB as my legal team has evidence of her refusing to mediate, negotiate and being amicable. If this is correct, they are right. I asked my barrister friend, would it be considered ‘poor form’ from a legal perspective to get a good barrister, but ensure TEWTB gets a hard time on the stand. His answer was no, it wouldn’t be considered ‘poor form’ and he would recommend it. I don’t think it will end up in court. TEWTB parents aren’t happy with the cost of her legal fees, currently estimated to be in the £12-15k range. Mine are currently running at £12.5k, which was the total cost of the wedding.

The boss announced he’s moving to another company. He’s only been in the role for 10 months, but it’s one of those roles you can’t turn down. It’s a wonderful opportunity for him and his last ‘big role’ before he’s starting to wind down for retirement. Interestingly, he asked if I’d be interested in moving with him. It’s an interesting proposition. He’s not starting in his new position until early July. I’ve got three months notice before I can leave, in theory, I won’t be moving until January next year. Given I get an annual bonus in March, I might want to stay until that’s in the bank, unless I get a substantial pay rise to cover that. More importantly, it depends on the role. The idea of being part of transforming a major company does appeal and even though the office is further away, it’s in the city centre, which is where I’d like to work. Currently, work is fine, but I’m getting a little bored and the politics are getting tiring. Potentially much to think about.

I’ve been continuing to read all the blogs I follow and there are some great ones. I’ll write more on which I follow at a later date. A few have reduced in frequency, some increased and others haven’t blogged this year!

April is looking busy, one stag weekend and one wedding to attend, then at the end of the month an early birthday celebration. I will be entering the final year of my thirties!

I’ll try and write another blog within a month!

Tune of the day: Soul II Soul – Love Enuff

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In Between days

It’s that funny time of year, between Christmas and New Year. You forget what day it is, where you need to be and what you need to do. Like the past couple of years, I’ve got two weeks off work. Last year was spent building Ikea furniture and creating a home. This year has been much more relaxing. Five days at the parents for Christmas and had the Boy for three of those. I was wonderful to see the Boy starting to understand what Christmas is all about. Preparing the plate with mince pies and sausage rolls,

Five days at the parents for Christmas and had the Boy for three of those. I was wonderful to see the Boy starting to understand what Christmas is all about. Preparing the plate with mince pies and sausage rolls, a glass of whiskey for Father Christmas, carrot and milk to Rudolf the Reindeer! Taking the Christmas sack and putting it on the end of the bed. Waking up in the morning and seeing the sack of presents with an excited little voice saying; ‘Daddy, Father Christmas has been!’. I sat on his bed while he opened the presents. The Boy was very excited with all of them, but being a toddler, the banana and satsuma got the most excitement! Then downstairs for breakfast and more presents under the tree. The Boy took great delight in looking at the presents, then handing them out. It was one of those special moments watching him, looking at his face and seeing the excitement and wonder of what is hidden behind the wrapping. We spent the day playing with his new toys and the Boy insisted we read all his new books!

After the traditional Christmas lunch, it was all a bit too much for the Boy and he threw a good toddler tantrum! He was tired, a busy couple of days and he had been suffering  a cold. I took him upstairs to his bedroom, got him into bed, lied next to him, chatted for a bit then he dozed off. I obviously got too comfy and dozed off too. For about three hours! We both woke up in time for tea! A few more hours playing with Duplo Lego, different puzzles and watching Stick Man on TV and Christmas Day was finished.

It was great to spend time with the family. Mother and my sister had a cold, which I managed to pick up, and still suffering from. Thankfully, I’d stocked up on pills in preparation. The worst of the cold has passed, just have a cough and catarrh. A few days of rest will sort it. Mother is still suffering quite badly with the cold. The symptoms; aching, fever, sneezing and general snottiness makes me think it’s the ‘flu she’s suffering with. It’s still a surprise to me to see that the parents are taking longer to recover from illness. You forget your parents are not immortal.

A three hour drive home to Miss B yesterday and now a week at home. To celebrate a year in the apartment, we went back to Ikea and got a couple more storage units to help keep things organised. As both Miss B and myself are experts in assembling Ikea furniture, that’s the next two days booked!  The Boy will be back later in the week and will be spending New Year and the weekend with us!

There’s just over three days of 2015, for those days I’m going to relax, enjoy and have a bit of a tidy-up and sort out of the apartment. Goals, plans and thoughts for 2016 can wait.

I trust you all have had a wonderful Christmas, remember to enjoy the moment.

Tune of the day: The Cure – In Between Days

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People watching

The new boss wanted to go to the London office for a series of meeting and wanted me to join him. ‘You’re great at listening and arguing, so I need you there. Plus you know all the key people we need to win over to get the proposal approved’. I live about 200 miles north-west of London, and with meetings starting at 10 am, driving wasn’t the best. We didn’t want to stay overnight so we decided to do a day trip. The train from his local station was over £300 return and from Manchester was £290. OK, this was first class, but the standard class was only £50 cheaper. Feeling optimistic, I decided to have a look at company travel website. The global business has its own travel agency, which is useful. So putting the dates in and looking to arrive at Heathrow by 9.00am so we can get the tube to the office in West London. Surprisingly the airfare was only £230 each, plus parking at the airport and fast track was an additional £40. Telling the boss, it’ll be more cost effective to pick me up en route, as I’m only 5 minutes off the motorway, he agreed.

So Wednesday morning he picks me up at my apartment at 6.15am, and we head to the airport. We park the car in the short stay, walk over the bridge, go into the fast lane for security, and within 15 minutes of parking the car, we are sat in Costa Coffee having a coffee. The flight it a 7.40am, boarding at 7.20 and we have 30 minutes waiting. We’ve been working together for about 5 months and have a fantastic relationship. The boss is about eleven years older than me, northerner and a similar sense of humour. As we are chatting, we’re both looking around seeing what we can see. A pretty blond girl in her mid to late 20’s catches my eye and I look at who she was with. It wasn’t what I was expecting. A guy in his late 50’s or early 60’s, grey, untrustworthy face, a rather large overhanging belly in an expensive suit. So seeing this, I start grinning like the Cheshire Cat. The boss asks what humoured me. I nod in the direction of the unlikely couple. The boss comments; ‘she looks chargeable by the hour’. I mutter in agreement. I start wondering where they are going. Glancing up at the departure boards, the majority of the flights are either UK destinations or short haul European. By the way they were dressed, I would have expected them to be on the Emirates flight. Probably first class. I ask the boss where he thinks they are going. He says the same. So we watch which gate they are heading towards. We were both wrong. Aberdeen. Yes, that fine Scottish city know for North Sea oil. Amazing.

We got the Heathrow on time and get the tube into West London. I like using the tube. You see all sorts of people using it. The rush hour was starting to ease off. There was the usual mix of people, but at one stop, a granny got on wearing a pair of bright pink Beats headphones. I couldn’t hear what she was listening to, but said to the boss; ‘I wonder she’s listening to?’. He came back with; ‘By the way she’s nodding her head to the music, probably NWA or Snoop Dogg’. This had me chuckling away to myself!

The London office is a soulless place, so the less said, the better. A day of meetings and a wonder to the nearest Pret for lunch was the highlight. We were booked on the 18.40 back to Manchester. We left the office at 16.30 and got on the tube. As we jumped on, someone asked us if the tube goes to Rayners Lane. The boss and I looked at each other, then I looked at route map.’Er, no, this is going to Heathrow, think you need the Uxbridge train’. I felt numerous eyes on me. I’d broken the London Underground rule of not speaking to anyone and thus, I must be either a tourist, alien or even worse, someone from outside the M25 (the London orbital Motorway).  We get to the airport to find at the Terminal 5 north security check is close and we have to walk to the south security checks. We get there and join the queue. It moves at a reasonable rate and I watch people at the scanning area. Many people seemed amazed they need to take out their laptops and iPads from their hand luggage. Even worse, take off their coat so that can be scanned. It took one gentleman fool four attempts get through the metal detector. I’m one of these organised people. When there are two people in front of me, I’ll take the laptop out of the bag, put the watch in the coat pocket, check I’m not wearing a belt, if I am, take it off in preparation. Get to the conveyor belt, pick up a tray, put the laptop and phones in one tray, get another tray put bag and coat in. Push both into the queue and walk through the metal detector. No alarm, I’m fine. So now I’m waiting for my trays to come through the scanner. As mine come through, the belt stops right by where it get pushed through for the extra checks. Bugger, what have I forgotten to take out? Nothing, it carries on the journey but the try in front of mine goes for extra checks. There are 5 people getting their belongings from the trays. Instead of taking the trays to the tables, they decided to reload all their items on the belt. Slowly. So slowly, that it causes a jam of trays. I can see my two trays, but they are out of reach. Thankfully two members of the security staff inform the slow packers to take their trays to the tables and stop delaying the process. One idiot decides to argue with them. The security team are well versed in dealing with people like this. They just grab their tray and move it to the tables out of the way.

We have about 45 minutes before departure, so we grab the 7th coffee of the day and wait in the departure lounge. The boss says to me; ‘what do you think those two do?’ nodding in the direction of two middle-aged guys in white shirts and dishevelled suits. ‘Sales’ I reply back. ‘Yep’ agreed goes the boss. Then I see a guy on his iPad, speaking loudly on his phones trying to look important, dressed quite trendy with a beard and say to the boss; ‘he looks like a creative type, designer or some such nonsense’. We then both spot a guy trying to read through a mass of paper. We both agree he’s either a solicitor or barrister. He dropped a sheet of paper which had something vs something, so confirmed our guess.

We get on the plane and to our seats. Now I’m not the skinniest bloke around, more sturdy and built for comfort, but the chap who sat next to the boss was a right tubster in a suit. I though he’d need a seatbelt extension, but somehow managed to get the seatbelt on. The flight is only 30-40 minutes so you get a quick snack and drink. The tubster grabbed two packets of ‘Thai street food’. He started eating them and he didn’t stop cramming food in his mouth and while eating kept making this strange grunting noises. It was very undignified. I commented to the boss, that when I have the boy tomorrow, I think we’ll watch some Peppa Pig. The boss kicked me and started grinning and chuckling away to himself. When the plane landed, he got up to get his bag out of the overhead locker, and his shirt came untucked and the belly was release. What was seen, cannot be unseen.

Tune of the day: The SOS Band – Just the way you like it

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It’s the end of November already…

As promised, I did hibernate for October. Nothing untoward happened, it was quite quiet and uneventful. Just what was needed. I was planning to do a post in early November, but three weekends with the boy, one weekend to catch-up on sleep, then the boy for the weekend, then this weekend trying to catch-up on sleep and before I knew it, it’s the end of November.

Between working, having the boy on the allotted days and trying not to spend any money to pay the mounting solicitor bills, it has all been very quiet, yet busy and productive. There’s been plenty of GTA and Civilisation to keep me amused!

On the work front, it’s increasingly likely I’ll be changing roles in the new year. The new boss and I are getting along fantastically well and starting to form a great team. We are ahead of a couple of projects and transforming how the business understands risks. The shiny new role will be more risk-focused and certainly help to further my career. A couple of projects I’ve been leading have been noticed by the leadership team. It amused me when they find out I’ve been involved or led 3 of the top 10 projects currently going on in the business. The CEO said to me; “Whenever there is a major project, your name always comes up. Your influence, networking and expertise in the business is understated. You are understated. No matter what gets thrown at you, you always provide results and always with a smile. You are also known for your very direct, candid feedback. I really appreciate that. I will be calling you up to get your opinion!”. So some great feedback. My returning comments were; “this better convert into a good bonus in March!”. We shall see. With the change in role, I’ve had to apply for it. I’ve been the only applicant, but the HR function still says I have to go through the interview procedure. The new boss commented that I’ve been doing 90% of the role for the last 18 months, so that’s constitutes as the interview and I want to offer him the role. He’s got a meeting with the HR leadership this week to discuss.  He’s also pushing for a good pay rise. I asked him what he thoughts were on a ‘good’ pay rise. He tactfully answered with, what’s your thoughts. So, no guts, no glory, I went in at 19.9% as this is the highest the business until can give before going to the HQ for sign off. He answered with, that’s reasonable considering how badly the company have treated you. If I got 10%, I’d be happy and that would help my personal cash flow status. The new boss wants it all sorted before the Christmas break. I won’t hold my breath.

It’s been a year since this: It’s all gone horribly wrong. The first part of the divorce has been issued by the courts. We now need to agree on the financial settlement. Considering we exchanged financial details in September, I provided questions to this in two weeks to my solicitor and he passed them on, I still not have had any questions on mine. My solicitor has had two or three emails from her solicitor saying they have questions and these will be forthcoming, but to date, I received nothing. One of the key financial details is the valuation of the former marital house. Currently, there is a difference of £50,000 on our valuations. Mine is obviously the end! I’ve engaged three local estate agents (real estate vendors to you colonials), who agreed with my evaluation and said it’s at the lower end. TEWTB, agreed to get three independent estate agents to value the matrimonial home. That was four weeks ago. Again, neither my solicitor or I have heard anything. We both think that TEWTB is playing the ‘delay and frustrate’ game. It’s the only way she can attempt to control things. I’ve instructed my solicitor to do nothing until the new year unless there is something critical or urgent. He is in agreement. If there has been no news on the house valuation and questions, then we will start the new year with a bang. The worst case scenario is that I will have to legal proceedings against TEWTB to get the divorce finalised. This will cost an estimated £7-12,000 on top of the £9500 that I’ve already paid so far this year. I’ve got the feeling the new year big bang will have the desired effect. To ensure maximum bang, I’m going to post a copy of the letter from my solicitor to her parents. I’m quite convinced she is not telling her parents everything and naturally spinning the story in her favour. They are funding her legal fees and expect to be paid back. They can raise the £10-15,000 for her legal costs, but it could be completely avoided if TEWTB pulled her head from the sand. I’m quite relaxed with this overall. The ‘delay and frustrate’ tactics are not working and will only benefit me financially in the long term, something TEWTB has forgotten.

For Christmas, I’d like my sinus’s to stop causing pain. It’s getting quite boring now. Being a man, I haven’t been to the doctors. Two reasons, I haven’t moved doctors since moving and secondly, plain laziness. It hurts but doesn’t hurt enough to do anything about it. I might just call the company private medical insurers to say I’ve been to the GP and they want me to see an ENT consultant. I had a sinus operation four years ago and this should have fixed it. So I expect it just an infection that needs some antibiotics to fix. The idea of spending 45 minutes in a MRI scanner isn’t great as it was very claustrophobic last time. Not helped by having Radio 2 blasting in my ears.

Since the Dublin trip, I’ve developed a taste for Jamesons whiskey. On Friday Miss B and I had some friends over, and I drank half a bottle without realising. It’s a slightly more delicate flavour compared to Macallen, the brand I usually drink, but it goes down very easily!

I’ll be back later this week. I forget how much I enjoy writing down my thoughts!

Tune of the day: Kool & the gang – Straight ahead

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A good compromise

So now the dust is settling, wounds are starting to heal and my finances are on par with Spanish Government. The final dispute hearing happend just under two weeks ago. It happened as I expected it to. Angry, relieved, frustrated, annoyed, pleased were some of the emotions I went through in two minutes. So what happened?

In the UK, family law is frankly a mess. The government doesn’t want middle-class families using the court system to resolve disputes. Mere mortals are suppose to resolve the issues amongst ourselves and carry on. If you have a spare £200-400k, you can use the best solicitors and barristers and get the legal system to resolve for you. The rest of us, it’s not so easy. The UK Ministry of Justice have cut back in the family law area. So now you have less district judges doing the circuits. The solicitors and barristers get to know each judge and their like, dislikes, attitudes and how they will interpret the case, so thus, can advise clients if they are likely to ‘win’ their case. This has led to too many cases for the district judges to sit on. To help keep the system going, in family law cases, magistrats are now used. Anyone of good character over 18 can be a magistrate. They do have to be an experienced magistrate and have special training for Family Law. In most family law cases, you only find who the magistrates are on the day. In the Family Law disputes, the case will wither be heard by a district judge or three magistrates, know as a bench. It is a complete lottery on who will be on the bench that day. So you have no idea on what their outlook is, their opinions or how they will view the case.

On the day, I arrive at court at 9am. The hearing is scheduled for 10am. I go to the correct level, there are 8 levels in the building each dealing with different sections of law, so there is an ‘interesting’ selection of society there. I go and see the court usher to inform them I am here. Thankfully my barrister has already arrive and got a private room and a section of coffee. We go through the case, discussing how I could be cross examined and how the opposition barrister (that’s the TEWTB, The Ex-Wife To Be) will attempt discredit our case. My barrister has prepared a three page note for the bench. In the lead up to the final hearing, both parties have to write a statement on out positions with supporting arguments. I paid for my solicitor to write this and then reviewed with my barrister about 5 weeks before the hearing. The supporting note basically my barrister reviewing the opposition statement and pulling it apart. I was very impressed with mine and asked for the oppositions. This is where things start to get interesting.

‘There isn’t one’ my barrister said. ‘He couldn’t write one because the statement was not good enough and the oppositions case is too weak’. Wow. ‘The opposition barrister has said to her; your case is too weak, the statement is not good enough and I highly recommend you negotiate out of court. Your ex-husband has one of the toughest cross-examiners in the circuit and she will eat you alive’. Hell fire, things are looking up.

Both barristers work for the same chambers and know each other well. My barrister in legal ratings has been described as ‘formidable’. Thankfully, we hit off well and after the conference got to know me and my mindset. The opposition barrister has been described as thorough, with good attention to detail.

So the barrister asked me to open the negotiations as the opposition are only offering what they have stated. ‘Which is ridiculous’ according to the barrister. Since the split, I’ve argued to TEWTB that the Boy should spend equal time with each of us. Her view is that the Boy should only have one home and not keep tooing and frooing. We have already agreed the Boy should spend alternate weekend with each of us, so we are now trying to get the working week resolved. So to open, I suggest the Boy is with is Mum every Monday and Tuesday, every Wednesday and Thursday with me, followed by the alternate weekends. So the barrister goes to the oppositions room.

When the barrister returned she had some interesting news. TEWTB’s Dad is there. I was a litte surprised that he was there. He absolutely dislikes conflict, but he’s a really down to earth guy and I hope he will be the voice of reason. To my barrister’s surprise, I comment is that him being there might be helpful to us. There was a knock at the door, the oppositions barrister, so mine goes out to get the update. My solicitor isn’t there as there is no benefit of him being there and I’d be charged £260 per hour for him to drink tea at my expense. TEWTB does have her solicitor there though.

My barrister comes back in, the offer has been rejected and the opposition has not proposed any news proposal. Frustrating. I ask my barrister to ask the opposition to make a proposal as I am not going to agree their original proposal. I’d rather take a chance and let the magistrates decide. She goes off to inform them. The court usher knocks on the door and asks the barrister to go into court and inform the bench of where we are. As previously stated, the bench prefer for parents to come to an agreement rather then them decide. Both barristers ask for an interim adjournment. The bench agrees and asks for regular updates on the negotiations. The chair of the bench does make a comment to the opposition barrister; ‘I do hope your client is negotiating as it is apparent they have not previously’. Interesting comments my barrister. The barrister says the bench are ‘robust’ and is apparent they have been recently on the Family Law training. There are a mature bench, probably in the 55-70 age range. I’ve never seen any of them before.

The opposition barrister knocks, so off pops mine. The barrister comes back in. TEWTB has made a new offer. I can have the Boy every Wednesday. Super, smashing, great. For someone who has argued about the Boy having ‘stability’ that’s a pretty poor proposal. Every other week, the Boy would be at mine, then hers, then back at mine for the weekend. Rejected for those reasons. My barrister and I as discussing proposals. My barrister says is a sign TEWTB is starting to cave in. Let’s keep the negotiations going. I’ll inform the opposition that is being rejected for those reasons, which are perfectly valid.

I start looking at the extra day. I start scribbling different ideas down. Utilising this extra day, I move it from the Wednesday to the Thursday when I have the Boy for the weekend. He’ll get 4 days with me in a block. In the week where I don’t have the boy at the weekend, I keep the Wednesday and Thursday nights with me. My barrister comes back in and we discuss the new proposal. ‘It’s great. It’s not your ideal, but should we go into court I can argue that all the way through, you’ve been the one willing to negotiate, coming up with the proposals, I think it is a good compromise’.

It’s now approaching 10.40am and I say to my barrister, if the opposition does not agree to this proposal, I want the bench to decide. Just as I say that, the court usher knocks as the bench want an update. Armed with this latest information, my barrister goes in. The barrister informs the bench that the negotiations are ongoing, however, there is little in compromise from the opposition. My client has offered a final proposal and that if the opposition doesn’t not agree by 11am, that he wishes the bench to decide. This apparently caught the opposition barrister wrong footed. The chair of the bench agrees and says that two is enough time and that if not agreement is reached by 11am, then both parties shall come into court and proceedings will start. The barristers chat on the way out. TEWTB’s Dad is telling her that she needs to start negotiating and if you are put under cross examination you won’t cope.

My barrister starts preparing the court order, the view is that TEWTB will cave in and agree. I’m feeling the same. I’m not getting exactly what I was after, but it’s close enough. Over 14 nights’ the Boy will be with me for 6 night instead of the 7 I wanted and the 4 I had. My gut feeling is that this proposal is right. Two minutes before 11am there is a knock, it’s the opposition barrister. Off goes mine. The barrister comes back in, sits down and looks at me right in the eyes. ‘She’s capitulated and has agreed to everything, including the Boy spending alternate Christmas’s, brilliant work, thanks for your thinking and flexibility. I’ll get the order drafted and we’ll going into court and get the bench to sign it off’. It’s over.

The emotions of anger, relieve, frustration, annoyance flashed through me, followed by that feeling of knowing that all the heartache, distress and frustration was over. Of what I proposed 95% was agreed. The 5%? Not having the Boy for every Wednesday. I realise I have a monster of a head ache and hope I have some pills in the car.

We go into court and sit in front of the bench. The chair is a polite gentleman who thanks us for coming to agreement outside of court. The bench appreciates how difficult is can be to reach agreement and commends us for doing so. The bench fully support the proposal and will turn it into a court order for immediate effect. The chair also says that there will need to be continual communication between us. Interestingly, he says this whilst looking at TEWTB. All done and dusted, we go back into the room to finalise the paperwork.

My barrister say that TEWTB’s Dad told her to agree to the proposal as it is fair and there is a significant risk that if you going into court you will loose the Boy for longer. This was then when we decided to agree to the proposal. The barrister also shared with me that her Dad has been paying for her legal costs and couldn’t understand why we hadn’t come to an agreement. He read the note from my barrister and said many times ‘I didn’t know that’. The opposition barristers impression was that TEWTB had kept much information from her parents and that her Dad was not impressed with her or her solicitor. He said to her, there is much to discuss when we get home. My barrister saw them leave the room and said it was like a naughty schoolgirl leaving the headmasters office with her Father. TEWTB just walked out with her head down and said nothing.

Walking back to the car, it felt like a huge weight was off my shoulders. I didn’t feel like celebrating as this isn’t something to be won. We were talking about where a little boy should spend his time. The Boy has done brilliantly is dealing with the changes over the last 8 months. This agreement will mean he will spend quality time with each parent.

When I got to the car, I spent two minutes sat in silence and relaxed. The proposal was right and the fight had been worth it. Just the divorce and financial settlement to go. This should be easier. We will see.

I didn’t have any head ache pills in the car. Bugger.

Tune of the day: Odyssey – Inside Out (Original 12” Version)

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I’m still here….

I’ve realised it’s been nearly three months since the last post. Indeed, I’ve been rubbish! The final court day is not far away regarding how much time the Boy will be spending with me. The first hearing there was no agreement and we are both far from an agreement. Given that the opposition legal team is trawling social media to use in court against me, I’ve decided to keep quite. Given the cost of my legal team, which now includes a senior Barrister, I am hopeful of a resolution that is fairer for the Boy. Once the outcome has been decided, I’m planning to be back as I’ve missed blogging, and there are many things floating randomly around in my head!

I have been trying to keep up to speed with other blogs, reading them, pressing the like button and adding comments. Simple pleasures and all that! I’ll be back soon!

Tune of the day: Hamilton Bohannon – Lets Start To Dance Again (Original Extended Mix)

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It’s been a while….

….indeed it’s been a while since the last post. Life is running at full pace and doesn’t seem to be slowing down. The new trendy apartment is all setup, IKEA furniture all built and still standing! Miss B and I haven’t argued during the building!! A fantastic sign of things to come!! We just need a few more bits, but the main is all there. Yes I know I promised picture, it’s still on my to do list do pipe down at the back!

From a personal perspective, life is generally good with a major irritation. It’s just about 2 month’s Miss B and I have been living together and I have to say it is wonderful!! We get along like a house on fire!! I’m the chef of the place, kitchen cleaner, bin emptier and moaner-in-chief! Luckily Miss B know’s how to keep me sweet!! We share all the general boring household chores and it take no time to clean and tidy the apartment. All very boring, but when you are in your mid-30’s these things are important!! The fantastic OreBabe came up a couple of weekends ago, these three of us had a wonderful weekend together, popping into town and embarking on some afternoon drinking after a great lunch! It was great chatting about random things, chilling out, and drinking some fine wine and Drambrewie!

I’ve been released from the therapy sessions, apparently I’m fully recovered within 6 sessions and been fully released into the community!!!! Given some of the stress I’m going through, more on that later, some of the techniques have been bloody useful! I’m certainly feeling far more relaxed and happier in myself and not getting stressed by life in general. Given the major life changing events over the past three months, maybe a change is as good as a rest? Now things are starting to settle down, I’ve been looking back at 2014. I now feel like i am actually living my life, looking forward to different things and building on the relationship with Miss B. My boys who I grew up with are highly amused I’ve (again) gone from one relationship to another without a break. They like to remind me that since the age of 19, I’ve only been single for 6 months! It’s not intentional and I’m not one to need to be in a relationship or I can’t function it’s just circumstance. I’m much more at ease with myself and reset some ambitions, binned a few and realigned a few. With this, my contentment and general feel good levels are high.

Work is still the same! No boss now for just over ten months and it looks like it will be twelve months! Ding dong what fun! It would be a stretch of the truth to say I’ve been doing two jobs now. Technically I am, but I’m doing the bare minimum to get through and cover both areas. I’m not afraid to say it either. I’ve got reasonably unmotivated that I’m just fire fighting the main issues and parking the rest. Thankfully everyone realises this and understand it. It’s approaching bonus time and on three weeks on Friday it will arrive into my bank account. Usually by this time I’d have an idea of what it would be from the rating on my annual appraisal. The joy of working for a global business is that the whole process is automated s I can see why it is in the process. Checking this morning, it’s still where is was last week. In the employee submitted box, with a further four steps to go. Knowing how the bonus process works, if it is not rated very soon, I’ll probably not get paid the bonus. Considering it is up to twenty percent of my annual salary, its not a small amount. If it goes all tits up, sorry English phase, then it’ll be time to look else where. Ideally not outside the current parent company, but outside the sub-business unit I work for.

So, P, what’s the major stress levels? Well, dear reader, from my previous entries you all know I’ve split from the wife. We have a son together and when we split she promised that she wouldn’t use him as a weapon against me. Unfortunately she hasn’t kept this promise. During the negotiations on childcare arrangements, TSTBEW has decided that I should only see the Boy every other weekend and the weekend I don’t have him, on the Wednesday night. Considering, I’m the closed one to him and have done the majority of the parenting, I’ve found this frustrating and replied back that we should have shared access and over a rolling two weeks we would both have him for seven nights. That sounds fair? Apparently not according to TSTBEW. In her view the Boy is not behaving well, not sleeping and not eating as he should and the way to improve this is to have a regular routine. Frankly this is absolute rubbish. Over the past six weeks, the Boy has stayed at least for three weekends and he’s behaved fine, eaten well and slept like a log and been a general pleasure. Instead of doing the adult thing and replying back, she’s gone legal on me. About a month ago, I got a particularly unpleasant letter from her solicitor. Thankfully I’d done my preparation and had a solicitor lined up. He’s been excellent and a great support. The initial strategy from TSTBEW and her solicitor was to try and intimidate me into agreement. Living with someone for over thirteen years I would have thought that she know how I would react to that. My reaction is to fight and challenge the intimidation and not give into it. Fortunately for me, they have played a bad game and have legally slipped up several times. Now their strategy is to ignore and antagonize me. Again, I’m prepared for this and it’s not working. I can’t say too much, but we are at the stage before litigation. Depending what their reply is will depend on the next steps. However it is looking increasingly likely I will have launch litigation against TSTBEW. Candidly, it’s not something I want to do. At the moment all she is doing is hurting the Boy. If I thought it would be better for him to have this arrangement, I’d happily agree to it. It’s not though. I am the closer to him that his Mum. That is something she and her family have said. So why TSTBEW thinks her suggestion is the right solution really does puzzle me. Yes I know she is angry, hurt and expected me to beg her to take me back. That was not going to happen. Trying to control me by using her son as a weapon is just not fair on him at all. Speaking to his nursery team, he’s fine and they have not noticed any unexplained changes in him since the split. They have noticed he is far more clingy with me when I arrive to pick him up, but he’s not like that with his Mum. I find that very sad. When he is with me, he doesn’t ask for his Mum at all. I think he realises that his Mum and Dad are not together any more. Given the issues she is facing with her mental health, having time to get better would be beneficial for her. Ho hum, keeping the Boy at the forefront and ensuring he is happy is key to this. Unfortunately, it’s going to get worse before it gets better.

Even though I haven’t had time to blog myself, I’ve been reading all the wonderful sites I follow. Admittedly I haven’t been able comment as much as I would like, but I’ve liked them and I’ll try and comment where I can! To all the other bloggers, I love reading your blogs! They are all completely different with such different writing styles, but they are all fascinating and in the spare moments I get I enjoy reading them. Keep up the great, wonderful work!

As Valentines day has just past, I did spoil the very lovely Miss B. To embarrass her, I got her the following:

• A hoody with ‘And though she be but little, she is fierce!’ on the front.
• A card and fridge magnet with ‘I want to grow old and disgusting with you’
• A bloody great box of Thornton’s Chocolates, about 10kg worth.
• A very nice lingerie set. No you deviants, it’s a nice set from a very good UK brand. I’m not saying anything more. So there.
• A dozen Red Roses delivered on Saturday morning. Admittedly they came at about 8.45am and the intercom buzz and I made her get out of bed to receive them. Who says romance is dead?!

Yes, I am a sopy old bugger, but I like it!

Tune of the day: Texas – Inner Smile (Stonebridge Classic House Mix)

P.

Ultimate list of 45 man tips. Apparently.

Sunday night, looking at Facebook to see what has gone on with people’s Sunday’s, not much the usual photo’s and status’s of weekend activities, then a friend liked this. I had a read through, nodded sagely at a couple of points, shook my head a one or two, and though it would be good to share. Usually I have no issue in copy and pasting, but it’s in as a picture, so I’ll just have to practice my touch typing skills. Yes seriously, I can touch type. <blows raspberry>

Your father probably told you a few things, but just in case he was around enough, here are some words of wisdom you might have missed out on:

1. Go for women you perceive to be ‘out of your league.’ You’ll surprise yourself.
2. Never have sex with anyone that doesn’t want it as much as you.
3. Never hit anyone unless they are an immediate threat.
4. Every hat should serve a purpose.
5. Never take her to the movies on the first date.
6. Learn to wet shave.
7. Nothing looks more badass that a well-tailored suit.
8. Shave with the grain on the first go-around.
9. Always look a person in the eye when you talk to them.
10. Buy a plunger before you need a plunger.
11. Exercise makes you happy. Run. lift, and play sports.
12. Brush your teeth before you put on your tie.
13. A small amount of your salary should go directly to your savings account every month.
14. Call your parents every week.
15. Never wear a clip on tie.
16. Give a firm handshake.
17. Compliment her shoes.
18. Never leave a pint unfinished.
19. If you aren’t confident, fake it. It will come.
20. You can tell the size of a man by the size of things that bother him.
21. Be conscious of your body language.
22. The only reason to ever point a gun at someone is if you intend to shoot them.
23. Always stand to shake someone’s hand.
24. Never lend anything you can’t afford to lose.
25. Ask more then you answer. Everybody likes to talk about themselves.
26. Keep a change of clothes at the office.
27. Buy high quality tools, so you only have to buy them once.
28. Manliness is not only being able to take care of yourself, but others as well.
29. Go with the decision that will make for a good story.
30. When you walk, look straight ahead, not at your feet.
31. Nice guys don’t finish last. Boring guys do.
32. Find your passion and figure out how to get paid for it.
33. Don’t let the little head to the thinking for the big head.
34. No matter their job or status in life, everyone deserves your respect.
35. The most important thing you can learn is personal responsibility. Bad things happen, it’s your job to overcome them.
36. The first one to get angry loses.
37. Do what needs to be done without complaining. It won’t help speed things up.
38. Never stop learning.
39. Always go out into public dressed like you’re about to meet the love of your love.
40. Don’t change yourself just to make someone happy, unless that person is you.
41. If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.
42. Luck favours the prepared.
43. Women find confidence sexy as hell.
44. Do whatever you want to do in life, but be the best at it.
45. No one is on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work. Enjoy your life.

So, there you have it, 45 ultimate man tips. Most I do, a few I don’t and 2 I don’t like.

Tune of the day –Chicane feat. Moya Brennan – Saltwater (Original Mix) – full length proper version.

P.

Y’all want advice? – very useful!

Y’all want advice?. – great advice for those new to blogging or having that mental block. A wonderful article from Kendel, thanks!!!

Would I take it if the opportunity arrived?

I’ve been head hunted. It’s a great feeling when you get an email asking we would like you to look at this role as we think you would be a great fit. It’s all early days and very easy to get over excited but feeling quite positive. Should find out on Monday if they want to interview me. The role is getting more specialised, moving away from my current role, back into what I’ve done previously, but at a more senior level.

I’m not overly enjoying what I’m doing, it’s a bit ‘dry’. The HQ Leader has left and all his knowledge and charisma hasn’t been replaced. Candidly I’m started to get bored. This new role will offer me a great challenge, the chance to build my own team, something i love doing and have been very successful at, and will transform a key program into a modern platform. The company is big enough and have some very good reviews. The role would be based in my home city in the city centre. This is a big appeal. I love the local city centre and the vibe. If I were to move job, I’d only go to work there.  Then there is the pay-rise, if I got the salary I’ve put in for, it’s a 40% pay-rise. Ding dong!!!

Now there still is a long way to go. Three interviews at least. All very senior leaders.

‘suppose I was offered the role would I take it?

Now I’ve been with my current employers for nearly 7 years. Been moving up the company at a good pace. I’m seen as a key employee, apparently, by HR. I’m known throughout the business globally and have contacts in every site, generally seen as a bit of a character in a good way, and when people travel to my office, they come and find me!! I’ve absolutely loved working for my business. At the office i work at, we’ve grown from 26 to nearly 200 people in that time. I’ve held a series of office related roles as well as my usually day to day role, and been part of the original team helping the site grow.

After what happened to me, I feel my passion is waining, love is falling for the business. I have some wonderful friends from there, but this would fall away as we wouldn’t see each other everyday, gossip, see how we are, and generally be there for each other. I’ve got a band of about 6-8 who I’m very close too and consider close friends. It would be difficult leaving them. The other side is that some of the new people in the business are frankly unpleasant, arrogant (that’s coming from me), and just lack humility to work with everyone else. The CEO who now been in position a year, I’m not keen on. Very bi-polar personality, one minute all school boy humour then next giving you a kicking for some random item. Personally, I have stood up to him, which is difficult, but I’ve been his direct reports be crushed by him for minor reasons. I don’t like his carrot and stick style. I like my COE to be more of a shepherd.

Would I take the role if I was offered it? Yes, just for the job title! Head of XX for UK and Europe. Egotistical bastard I am! Plus 40% pay-rise and the chance to completely transform a product, own it and sell it. Move into a very specialised area of Finance that will always have work and having an office in the City Centre. I’d start tomorrow!

Had a cheeky lunchtime run today, 5km in 30.27, second best time. Will soon have it below the 30 minute mark regularly. Will be out again on Saturday.

Tune of the day – Todd Terry – Something’s goin’ on

P.